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How cool would it be to be walking down the street talking on one of these phones? I think you would be getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex if you know what I mean. The ultimate in fashion and functionality, the classic Motorola design plugs into modern phones with ease. Too bad this model is sold out, but there are many more to choose from. My personal favorite is the desk phone in red. I would love to carry that around in the grocery store and then take a call, how funny would that be. Or walking down the street talking on a big clunker like that would be awesome. Maybe go down the lake for a jog carrying my big red 1972 desk phone. Talk about getting the ladies…. to run the other way.

The alphabet in ground meat from Robert J Bolesta

In many ways there is a lot of cool “futuristic” technology emerging from labs all over the world, but to the dismay of many there are still no flying cars or hover boards for that matter. We all appreciate important breakthroughs in medicine and the “cool factor” of such 3D video technology, but where are the flying cars? Oh, and personal servant robots, those would be cool too.

If Ron Popeil and George Foreman can brand kitchen appliances then why can’t I? So you know what, we did. Introducing the Gurt T Luhrman Signature Breakmaker and Crouton Machine. We teamed with Oster, the world leader in bread machine technology to put together this incredible package. Imagine waking up every day to the wondrous smell of fresh baked bread in your very own kitchen. No more fumbling with pre-packaged bread, fighting that twisty-tie, or having to deal with the geriatric crowd at your local bakery. Now you too can be one of the millions of people who already enjoy the yet undetermined health benefits of our Gurt T Luhrman Signature Breakmaker & Crouton Machine.

As a benefit to our loyal readers we would like to offer this life changing machine to you before we release it to the general public. I bet you are thinking, “wow, a machine like this must cost twenty dollars”. Well think again, this one of a kind personally autographed Breadmaker & Crouton Machine can be yours for one easy payment of NOT $100, not $80, not even $70. You won’t pay $50, or $40, or even $30 today for this once-in-a-life-time life changing appliance. This health inspiring, fresh bread baking machine can be yours for only one simple and easy payment of $19.95.

And if you order today and promise not to sue us we will throw in the original owners manual with bread recipes for free. This is a $2.00 value, completely FREE.

Don’t settle for imitations or machines that only promise fresh bread. The Gurt T Luhrman Breadmaker & Crouton Machine promises a bread experience you will never forget. Be like the millions of other people who also have a twice used breadmaker sitting on their shelf, but have one that is also a crouton machine.

(disclaimer: crouton machine will not actually make croutons)

What will the mix of technology, imagination, and marketing concoct next?

Televisitation

Is your spouse always away on business? Do you have family or friends that live far away? Now you can feel like they are in your home regardless of distance. “Televisitation” allows people be a part of your life in a way not previously possible. Gather around in the living room, watch TV together, socialize in a natural way - they’ll seem so close that you’ll forget they’re far away. The Giraffe is also great for parties - that special guest who couldn’t make it now has a way to attend!

Come on now, who in the hell is going to go to a party via teleconference. And better yet who is going to talk to “the looser on the teleconference robot”? I think it would be funny to taunt the person that wasn’t there, or try to feed the machine booze and watch it go berserk. Televisitation, stupid marketers thinking they can invent words.

I want technology to do cool things like teleportation, that way I could actually BE at the party instead of having my face digitized on a moving screen. Although, imagine an entire “virtual party” where everyone was interacting via these weird robots. You could sit at your computer, naked, drinking your favorite cocktails without having to actually be around other people. You know if this country’s wireless infrastructure was up to par we could make these suckers wireless and no one would ever have to physically leave their homes. We could send our robots to do our bidding.

The Giraffe Video Conferencing Robot

Now why in the hell would a dog need a bathrobe? How many dogs really take a bath regularly enough to necessitate such a garment? The correct answer is that no animal needs or should wear such a thing.

I have started to wonder about the sanity of some of these “over-the-top” pet owners who treat their pets better than most people treat their children. Hell, there is a growing number of pets in the US alone that live better than 3/4 of the world. They have clothes, fancy bottled water, psychiatrists, doctors, jewelry, they get facials, and are pampered like no other. Personally this makes me sick. It is a fricking dog, it should not be wearing a ball gown or tutu or three piece suit. These are animals not people, so stop trying to treat them like people. I think in some cases this human behavior could be considered insanity. People thinking their pets are humans and treating them that way.

This next product demeans both the pet owner and the pet. If I were a dog I would be very pissed off if I had to shit in this goofy contraption. Then after I shit in a manner that is unnatural to me, my owner then forces me to carry around my feces in a big red pouch on my back. I’m sorry but I would rather maul my owner that be forced to parade around with a backpack full of shit.

I did a quick search for dog clothes and turned up this mink-coat for dogs. WTF is this for? Dogs have a natural coat call HAIR. I bet it is only a matter of time before crazy pet owners start giving their pets “coats” made from other pets. “My Bichon Frise is wearing a Great Dane/Bloodhound cross fur coat with 3 carat diamond earings”

The next question is, would people buy this stuff if corporations didn’t make it? Who really is to blame? Yep, it’s the insane 1st world pet owners yearning for love in their meaningless material based lives. I can’t wait until the aliens or robots take over and make humans dress is stupid little outfits and shit into bags attached to a leather strap. We will pay for this, I promise you that. What goes around comes around.

What are two products that always go together? Peanut butter and jelly, donuts and coffee, whiskey and fist fights. Well now we have put together what some might call a match made in heaven, while others may say we are crazy. But what if I told you you could make your own potato chips while exercising AND playing video games? Say no more, it can be done.

Now that you, along with 4.5 million (and growing) others have a Nintendo Wii, why not start waving your arms around and tone up while you’re at it. Enter the Wii-weights. You have to figure that since you are playing and wailing anyway, why not drop a few pounds and sculpt those forearms.

And what better to go with video game exercise than home-made potato chips, better yet microwaved home-made potato chips. This looks like something Popeil dreamed up on one of his “inventathon weekends” at the cabin in Tahoe.

No go here Ron, we’ll give the Japanese credit for this one, along with the Wii, which is why we’ve put them together as the perfect product match.

Smokie (pictured right) is pissed off that his children are now in your hair

The 45-minute intense conditioning treatment uses thoroughbred semen from Aberdeen Angus bulls in a farm in Cheshire.

It is said to offer the ultimate shine for £55.

‘I have been searching for an organic product with a lot of protein because that is what hair is made of and lacks when it is dry,’ he added. ‘All the best treatments are protein based. Synthetic treatments are good but they are heavy if you have fine hair and can make it look greasy. In the end, the bull’s sperm was the winner.

There you have it folks, its all about the protein. Goodbye Pantene, Hello Farmer Frank’s Herd! Hopefully this will be a boom for small beef farmers around the world. Now they can package haircare products with your 100% Angus Beef.

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what the hell is this? I’m on the side that says its sleazy to promise your lady friend cocaine and then give her the OTC knock-off. what is this stuff anyway?

This robot is way to life-like not to be creepy. Watch when the man kicks this beast, i get the chills. From an engineering standpoint I think things like this are absolutely amazing. From a crazy-mans standpoint life-like robotics freak me out. Goodbye cruel world, hello even crueler world being enslaved by robots.

Lets thank the guys over at Boston Dynamics for this robotic feat.