I know biggpappa used to be quite the rider, I wonder if he has any tricks like this left in his bag? Hey Reginald, speaking of bikes, how is your new ride and your trip last weekend with your lady friend?
I was just running the numbers and so far in 2007 we have surpassed the entire yearly readership for 2006 by 8%. A pretty incredible feat if you ask me. While this month’s numbers are down compared to our banner month of Feb, things are still doing great. I know part of the reason for the slouch is the lack of postings this month, and my general lack of interest in the blog. I have been working very hard on a multitude of other projects and working at booking up my summer for more video work.
While the blog is in no immediate danger of disappearing anytime soon, it hasn’t been a top priority for the staff here. With last week’s launch of the new bagaki.TV website, behind the scenes work on several new shows, trying to align creative talent to continue to product higher quality programing, and the development of several yet unmentioned projects things could not be busier. And now that the weather is starting to remind me how much I enjoy being outside, my time resource is going to become even more stretched. Toss in the fact that Mr Bagaki is currently in plans to move our office to a large metropolis and planning behind a new studio is underway I cannot stress enough how important your continued support has been.
Amongst all of the blah blah above, we are also actively working on changing the format of the content on the blog. We are working to start producing more original stories and posts in lieu of the commentary on much of what is happening on the net today. While our commentary and zany stories will not go away, they will step down from the limelight to become filler to our private stash of creative nonsense.
So again, on behalf of bagaki.com and because Mr Bagaki obligates me to tell you, we greatly appreciate everything you have done for the bagaki.com community in helping us achieve the small online presence we have today. Thank you
Gurt T Luhrman
Editor, Cock
If Ron Popeil and George Foreman can brand kitchen appliances then why can’t I? So you know what, we did. Introducing the Gurt T Luhrman Signature Breakmaker and Crouton Machine. We teamed with Oster, the world leader in bread machine technology to put together this incredible package. Imagine waking up every day to the wondrous smell of fresh baked bread in your very own kitchen. No more fumbling with pre-packaged bread, fighting that twisty-tie, or having to deal with the geriatric crowd at your local bakery. Now you too can be one of the millions of people who already enjoy the yet undetermined health benefits of our Gurt T Luhrman Signature Breakmaker & Crouton Machine.
As a benefit to our loyal readers we would like to offer this life changing machine to you before we release it to the general public. I bet you are thinking, “wow, a machine like this must cost twenty dollars”. Well think again, this one of a kind personally autographed Breadmaker & Crouton Machine can be yours for one easy payment of NOT $100, not $80, not even $70. You won’t pay $50, or $40, or even $30 today for this once-in-a-life-time life changing appliance. This health inspiring, fresh bread baking machine can be yours for only one simple and easy payment of $19.95.
And if you order today and promise not to sue us we will throw in the original owners manual with bread recipes for free. This is a $2.00 value, completely FREE.
Don’t settle for imitations or machines that only promise fresh bread. The Gurt T Luhrman Breadmaker & Crouton Machine promises a bread experience you will never forget. Be like the millions of other people who also have a twice used breadmaker sitting on their shelf, but have one that is also a crouton machine.
(disclaimer: crouton machine will not actually make croutons)
So about seven months ago I received a letter from my local monopolistic cable empire telling me how I could save a bunch of money if I signed up for cable along with my internet service. Since I don’t watch television, and at the time didn’t even own a television, I never had cable. The deal was I could sign up for basic cable for FREE for six months and because I would be “bundling” cable and internet I would be “saving” $10 a month. So here was my train of thought… sign up for 6 months, save $60, then cancel and everything is back to normal. It wasn’t quite like that. First off, after all was said and done and I was paying taxes and surcharges on cable AND internet I was only saving ~$5 a month. So over the six month period I would stand to save only $30. Fine, $30 is still money in my pocket.
So I called last month to cancel, and after numerous issues with customer service and them screwing up my account royally, I got everything straitened out. The other day I get my bill and on there is a “downgrade fee” for $19.99 to have a truck come out and take a filter off my line or put one on, whatever they do. So now my $30 is down to $10. If I take into count the hour and a half I spent fixing my account and dealing with 5 customer service reps over 4 phone calls I think I lost money on the deal.
It was funny too, the last rep I spoke with was a very nice lady who took care of me and set everything strait BUT, I think one of the first sentences out of her mouth was, “and no one tried to put in into another deal”. I hate the monopolistic cable companies in this country anyway, but there deals are usually not as sweet as they sound. I should have known better, I follow this industry like a hawk and know how money driven they are. They are not about giving us excellent services at a reasonable price, they are all about squeezing every last penny out of the American consumer.
My solution to you…. bagaki.TV, this is our entire purpose.
There is nothing that pisses me off more than when people in a multiple dwelling apartment with limited washing machines and dryers are inconsiderate of the other people living in the building. What do I mean? How about leaving your clothes in the washing machine or dryer for hours, or days. Then someone like me walks in there, tosses in a load thinking I have time to get this done before I have to run here or go there. I set my timer on my microwave and 25 minutes later stroll down to toss everything in the dryer. But wait, I can’t put my clothes in the dryer because some asshole left his load of boxers in there and they have probably been there, dry, for at least an hour. Or that girl down the hall who is always bringing home some new guy from the bar, like I really want to reach in and grab out her collection of thongs. Sick.
So the other day I was frantically trying to get everything done before I left town on business for a few days. I had tossed in a load of whites, mostly undershirts and socks, to have ready before I left. Well, I didn’t really need the clothes but I figured I had the time and wanted to get them out of the way so when I returned I didn’t have 3 loads to do.
So I set my timer, switched the loads, then reset the timer for 45 minutes, the length of the dryer cycle. Well amongst all of my frantic packing and tying of loose ends I somehow forgot to unload my whites. Three days later I was unpacking and went to toss some soiled whites into my basket and “oh shit, it is still down in the laundry room, with my clothes in the dryer”. Someone had taken my clothes from the dryer and put my them into my basket. At least they didn’t throw them all over the room or defecate on them. I know how much this irritates me, I can only hope the person who needed the dryer wasn’t as annoyed as I am. But hey, at least I didn’t leave my g-strings in there for someone to dig out.
Next time that kid at the retail store is bragging about being so hot at the latest xbox game, tell him grandma could (and will on xbox live) kick his ass all over the place. Be warned that this video clip contains language that may be inappropriate for a work environment. Then again, if your employer is cool enough to give you speakers in your cubicle maybe no one will care.
Last week I was driving home after running a few errands and as I turned onto the road to my apartment I saw myself driving my car going the opposite direction. I watched myself as I drove by and I turned down the same street I was just on. I tried to turn around in time to chase myself down but lost myself somewhere in a neighborhood by my apartment.
A few days prior to that sighting I felt as though a strange rip had occurred in the time-space continuum and couldn’t really explain why I felt this way. Seeing myself was only evidence that my intuition was correct. It seems as though everything is back to normal again, at least that is what I am sensing. I think it is rare that two moments would overlap like that but heck, who am I to say.
All I know is that was an eye-opening experience. I now know that when you see yourself from another dimension, try harder to catch yourself to see what will happen. For all I know I could have collapsed time or something, so I guess it isn’t such a bad thing. Maybe I should post a “missed connection” on craigslist and see if I respond.
How many of you have seen or currently have a plastic bag from the grocery store or local mass retailer lining a garbage can? Maybe you are too cool for such a thing, but grandma sure isn’t. You have to have seen this being done in some elderly persons house, you know what I am talking about. Even I have used them from time to time to line the ol’ bathroom garbage. I mean hey they are free, we all seem to have them and don’t have any real use for them, and oddly enough most people save them. Why is it that people save these things? We’ll save that topic for another day. So back to the problem at hand, advertising in the garbage.
You know I hate coming from the grocery store or discount retailer and having to advertise as I walk into my building. Why is it that I have to be a walking billboard for a store and truly get nothing out of it? Sure I supported my local chain of discount or mass retailers, but do I really need to advertise for them? Isn’t my decision to spend my hard earned dollar at their store enough? They employ entire teams of marketers and spend billions on advertising, how come I am not getting a cut. Every time you see that brand name on a billboard, television, or in print do you really think someone let them put their logo there for free? Hell no.
Trust me, there is a great value in printing logos on bags, especially at the mall but that is another story too. Why do you think they do it? Those teams of marketers know it makes a difference, otherwise they would use what I am almost 100% sure would be cheaper, the plain white bag. But why do we as consumers let these mega corporations use us this way? Why do we accept this over saturation of brand logos and colors and sounds? What is wrong with us?
So they spend the extra 2 cents a bag and laden it with corporate logos and colors. We walk home with them, we parade around not realizing we are walking advertisements, not thinking about what is happening around us. We unpack the bags and toss them under the sink or into the closet, not to be thought about again. Whew, no more brands to look at, no more exploitation of innocent consumers as billboards, the battle with brands is over…. or is it?
Next thing you know it you empty the bathroom garbage and need a replacement bag. You reach under the sink and pull out that bag from the grocery store. You drop it in the garbage without thinking and BAM, that extra 2 cents just became an even better investment. Now every time you stop to “do your business” and you look over at the garbage and see your local retailers brand or logo know that they too are doing business. They are subtly reminding you of their name, or that you need groceries and that you would like to shop at that store again.
I simply ask that you start to take notice of what is happening around you every day. What types of messages are you being barraged with? Who is saying what, and why? Pay attention to the size of the shopping cart, the temp of the store, and the brightness of the lights. They are all that way for a reason, usually to make you spend more. The simple logo on the plastic bag from the grocery store that you don’t ever think about has its place and reason. If it didn’t it wouldn’t be there, trust me.
If you take anything from this article let it be the idea that you should really pay attention to what is happening around you. Don’t let things “just happen”, otherwise you never know where “they” will lead us.
Ervin Dank
Cynical Bastard, Otherwise Nice Guy
Ok, so I said yesterday that I would be blogging more that I am caught up, well guess what. I don’t know what happened but some type of bomb was dropped and now I have to run all over the state the next few days, produce a few videos, deal with banks, clients, and the like, oh and get in my daily 30 minutes of cardio. What the hell is going on, can’t a man just relax? I guess not. Oh did I mention taxes, I have to deal with them too.
PS: Buy your stamps now, well maybe not. There are negotiations about the next price increase and you wouldn’t want to have to buy a bunch of 1 and 2 cent stamps now would you?
I just wanted to post a quick update before I run an afternoon worth of errands. I will be back later to add to this wondrous blog but since “the flood” I have been so backlogged that I can’t see straight. Luckily I worked hard all weekend and have things pretty much caught up. I will post a few pics of the office now that things are back in order… mostly. Heck, they even cleaned my carpet. That is least they could do, I will get into that later. Talk about piss-poor management.
Anyway, thanks for the continued support even though we have no new content. I hope you all checked out the new bagaki.TV website and enjoyed that experience. We enjoy bringing it to you, even though it meant I was sober on St Patrick’s Day.
Now I’m off to the doctor to get some stitches from my Monday morning pistol whipping to the face. Gosh I love my job.
Cordially Yours,
Gurt T Luhrman
Editor, Cock, Bloodied Employee
On this Hindu New Year take some time to remember your roots and look for new beginnings. But always remember your love of NMR.
[audio:http://mywebspace.wisc.edu/kjkolonko/web/Hooray.mp3]
I am very excited to launch the new “play” section of bagaki.TV. Stop over to the site and check it out. Try everything on the page and see what happens. As you know this is a work in progress so things will keep changing a bit, but this is the look for now. We are most excited about our new flash player option that allows users to watch our content right through their browser. You will notice a small button on the bottom next to the volume, this is the full screen button. Give it a press and enjoy bagaki.TV in full screen, high-res goodness.
And don’t think we would launch a new site without some new content, so make damn sure to watch our new short film “The Passenger”. If you want to re-visit some of the production shots, head over to this page.
Don’t forget too if you use iTunes, Democracy, or any other RSS based video player you can subscribe to our HD Quicktime feed and have all of our content delivered to you as soon as we put it online.
Watch for the middle man’s face as the camera passes him during the “thinking music”. Great! And what is with Trebek, I think this guy is getting pissed that he is stuck doing Jeopardy for the rest of his natural born life, then well into his robotic life. He just doesn’t have the charisma that he had in the 1980’s and 1990’s. He seems a bit jaded.
This is my current brew ready for tasting. I decided to give it a Simpsons theme. Supplies are limited. First come first serve. Happy St. Patrick’s Day -K