blog.bagaki.com

I came across the little elf in the woods sleeping peacefully. I leaned in and poked it with a stick. It was dead and stiff. Having no other options, I brought the elf home and ate him.

Waking to the soft sounds of birds chirping always makes me think, “Today is going to be the day I kill those damn birds”

Flying in an airplane is like flying in a car without the captain, in-flight meal, and deadly landing.

I have several wooden cooking spoons. Some I use for cooking meat, some I only use for mixing frozen beverages. My grandma used to have a wooden leg before she lost it to termites.

A peanut a day keeps the corporate logo away.

This thoughtful message brought to you by Holiday Nutty Korn. “We’re so nutty, we’re corn”

When I think of the old adage “better late than never” I sometimes wonder if never is better than late. “Better never than late”, that’s my motto.

Happy Bagakimus

I wonder if bums get upset when other bums donate clothes to the local shelter.

Waking to the sound of birds chirping always makes me feel like “today is going to be the day”. Then I shoot them so I can go back to sleep. “Maybe tomorrow”

The power of positive thought is keeping in mind you could have a goiter on your throat. A goiter the size of a honeydew!

For everything there is a purpose, a purpose for you to define
For everyone there is a reason, a reason to believe
For tomorrow there is today, because thats just how it works
For me there is this red rash and crippling diarrhea

November 6th, what a memorable date. When I was a child it was on this day that I fell into a well and became trapped for 73.5 hours. Even more memorable was the funeral they held for me on the 10th.

Some people say a picture is worth a thousand words. I like to say a picture is worth three apple pies, but they have to be really good pies.

I used to like honey until my mother told me honey it was bee poop. Now I don’t eat honey.

Why do you think it rains? Sometimes I like to pretend it is natures way of watering the flowers. Its probably just God crying though, crying because he lost his puppy.