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I was walking down the street yesterday and found a pack of lozenges or something on the ground. I stopped and picked it up to see what the heck it was. To my luck it was an unopened package of Aquadrops. I thought they were candy so I popped one out of the package and tossed it in my mouth. It tasted horrible. Some awful take on lemon-lime. Maybe they were suppose to be citrus. It tasted more like I was sucking on something flavored similar to how Pine Sol smells. Ish.

As I continued down the sidewalk, having spit out the horrid candy, I began reading the package. Apparently the lozenge I just purged from my mouth was actually a “hydration mint” that used a patented design to give me “unique dual-action” refreshment and hydration. WOW! I did notice that my mouth was now watering, although I was attributing that to the horrid taste. Maybe that is the trick with these “hydration mints”. They taste so bad that your mouth naturally produces saliva to wash the taste away.

That was just a pipe dream though, I read on. After getting through the marketing lingo, I made it to the ingredients. I wish I would have payed more attention in chemistry. I don’t know which of these “patented” chemicals actually made the candy taste so horrible.

“Meh, these things suck.” I was just about to toss them back to the sidewalk where I found them when I read something startling. There they were, in bold-faced capitalized lettering. The very words that send a tingling down your spine and give you goose bumps: “EXCESSIVE CONSUMPTION MAY HAVE A LAXATIVE EFFECT” Geez, what in the hell?

I have heard of the potato chips that give you the shits, but never a candy. So I kept the package and have been giving them to friends and family as I see them. I never tell them about the laxative effect, but the taste pretty much eliminates that anyway. I just like to see their faces when they realize I lied about how good they taste.

Here are a few related stories:
Frito-Lay changes WOW to Light to sell more chips
Look at the African American Woman’s quote on the Pine Sol website
Buy enough Hydrating candy to defecate with ease

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