During my visit to the local grocer today, which I dread, I ran into something interesting. Besides all of the processed meat products in the hot dog aisle, I witnesses something terrible. I has just stopped at the deli for some turkey when I wondered off to the bulk foods section for some nuts and dried fruit. Upon rounding the corner I witnessed this gentleman digging in one of the candy bins. As he noticed I was looking at him, he quickly withdrew his hand from the bin and tucked it into his jacket. I mean come on, how obvious can you get. This 40+ man knows nothing about stealing a piece of candy from the bulk bin. You have to walk in there with authority, and take that piece of compresses sugar. Grab it and run, that is the trick, none of this sneaking shenanigans. That just makes you look obvious and like a fool. I have seen 5 year old kids do a better job at snagging candy. This guy sucks. Not just because he stole candy, but because he was caught. Another rule of thumb, don’t steal candy at the peak shopping time when there are dozens of people right next to you (unless you are better than this guy). I hope that piece of candy rots his teeth, and he doesn’t have dental insurance. He will ruin the bulk bins for all of us, you just watch.
May 11, 2006 at 05:00
Look, I’m sorry that my dad isn’t the most swift of all thieves; but hey, times is hard, yo. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, and if that means stealing candy to feed the family, so be it.
May 14, 2006 at 17:07
Congrats you graduate. Now get a real fuck’n job! Just kidding, be a bum for a while man. Congrats again! You Rock! -K
May 14, 2006 at 23:39
any leads on jobs down in your wonderful city? $50K + benefits and the ability to work with an technology company that is bleeding edge. i want to make a difference