blog.bagaki.com

Doesn’t this guy look like a smug old bastard. He’s like, “I have swam pulling 70+ boats across a large harbor, I’m one hardcore son of a bitch”

I think Jack LaLanne is advocating heavy drinking when he says, “get juiced”. Heavy drinking of juice from the Power Juicer. Its fun how the Power Juicer website stresses that “Rush Deliver Is Available”. For those who just cannot wait to start juicing. Just start juicing today!

“Are you fat, are you overweight?” “Well then this product is for you. It can magically transform you into the ideal person you wish to be, and listen to how quiet it is” “No other juicer is as quiet and extracts so much juice” “Wow Jack, thats a lot of juice”

This has to be one of my favorite informercials of all time. I love this Jack Lalanne character. This guy is apparently an old-tyme hardass. You have to check out the Jack LaLanne wikipedia page to see what this guy has done and the age he performed the feat. Here are a few of my favorites, all of them accomplished while in his 60’s!

# 1974 (age 60): For the second time, Jack swam from Alcatraz Island to Fisherman’s Wharf. Again, he was handcuffed, but this time he was also shackled and towed a 1,000-pound boat.
# 1975 (age 61): Repeating his performance 21 years earlier, Jack again swam the entire length of the Golden Gate Bridge, underwater and handcuffed, but this time he was shackled and towed a 1,000-pound boat.
# 1976 (age 62): To commemorate the “Spirit of ‘76″, United States Bicentennial, Jack swam one mile in Long Beach Harbor. He was handcuffed and shackled, and he towed 13 boats (representing the 13 original colonies) containing 76 people.
# 1979 (age 65): Jack towed 65 boats in Lake Ashinoko, near Tokyo, Japan. He was handcuffed and shackled, and the boats were filled with 6,500 pounds of Lousiana Pacific wood pulp.

There is what looks to be an interesting documentary coming out discussing the death of the electric automobile. I have been saying for years that the auto companies and oil companies have been holding hands and holding back innovation because they were filling their pockets with money. Look at Toyota for example. Think of them what you will, they make reliable, affordable, efficient automobiles. They have full size cars, compacts, and SUVs now that all get over 40+ miles per gallon - IN CITY driving condition. If you want an American car, the best you can hope for his mid-20’s MPG. We should be seeing 60+ MPG on the highway, without hybrid technology - in full size trucks! There is no reason that in the past 20 years automobile manufactures have not been able to decrease fuel consumption in their products.

Here is a perfect example. I drive a 1991 Chevrolet Cavalier. The MPG for this 1991 car is a combined 27 and by year 2005, a combined 28. The full document can be viewed here. So you are telling me that in 15 years GM was only able to squeeze one more MPG out of this car. It is the same motor, the 2.2L (a solid, reliable motor by the way). They even added a 4th gear to the automatic transmission.

And don’t get me started on the crappy plastic interiors on many of the recent domestic automobiles. The buttons are all flimsy, parts don’t fit nicely together, and everything feel cheap. Now hop in a VW, Honda, Toyota, etc and everything feels solid. Parts seem engineered to a higher standard.

GM, with its woes, has no one to blame but their greedy selves. Look at the 2006 Buick Lucerne for example. I have driver a half dozen of these cars, what GM is touting as a Lexus rival. In three of the six I have driven, The door handle on the drivers door is not attached properly to the door. When you pull the door closed, it feels a little loose and makes a creaking noise. That is not going to impress any Lexus driver, no matter how much money you throw at marketing the damn thing.

Produce high quality, efficient, durable, and reliable automobiles and you will sell more than your competitors. Its that simple. No politics, just service to the customer.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

It is my great pleasure to announce the bagaki.com summer 2006 tour. Below are the confirmed tour dates and locations, many new stops to be announced.

May 31 - Minneapolis, MN
June 1 - St Paul, MN
June 6 - Ashland, WI
June 7 - Mason, WI
July 1 - Bayfield, WI
July 6,7,8,9 - Z-A-Palooza*

The following locations are scheduled, dates are TBA

Madison, WI
Duluth, MN

Many new locations and dates are being added, please check back for more information. Make sure to bookmark this post for updated tour stops.

*Date Subject To Change

I don’t really get this video. I now know that I don’t want to mess with Russian girls, they will kick your ass. Why has softcore porn penetrated everything in our lives? From breakfast cereal to music videos, the objectification of women is common in todays world. What is happening here people, where are we headed?

At least this creep gets his ass kicked.

UN Category: Corrupt Dictatorship
Civil Rights: Good
Economy: Struggling
Political Freedoms: Rare

The Kingdom of Bagaki is a huge, environmentally stunning nation, renowned for its punitive income tax rates. Its compassionate, cynical population of 869 million are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn’t gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, socially-minded government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Defence, Social Equality, and Religion & Spirituality. The average income tax rate is 51%, and even higher for the wealthy. A very small private sector is dominated by the Information Technology industry.

Archaeological discoveries are often followed by mysterious hamster abductions, there have been reports of people marrying housepets, smoking is banned in public areas, and the controversial show ‘Who Wants to be an Immigrant?’ has become wildly popular. Crime is relatively low. Bagaki’s national animal is the dildolopogus, which frolics freely in the nation’s many lush forests, and its currency is the reet.

As the financial adviser for bagaki.com, I would like to take a moment of your time to recommend this FREE credit report service. With this service, you are able to view your credit report from three of the big credit service companies. This will allow you to see if anyone has opened an account under your identity, and to make sure things are in line. You are able to use this service once a year for FREE, I recommend taking advantage of it.

It should be noted that each of the three companies will try to sell you “upgraded” reports or services, but that is how they make money. It is your discretion if you buy any of that stuff, I never do. I have been using this and recommending it for a couple years now, since its inception. It only takes about 30 minutes of your time and it is worth every minute.

If you are interested in your credit score, I know that Equifax only charges $7.95 which is a good deal, considering last year they wanted almost $30.00. Anyway, if you are the kind of person who likes to know where you stand in terms of your ability to borrow, this might be of interest to you. I know that Mr Bagaki himself paid the fee and got his numbers, he wanted to know.

It never hurts to know about your credit history, especially with the potentially negative effects of identity fraud. Check out the site and save yourself a ton of trouble, you have nothing to loose.

Yet more birthday fun for the lovable friends of bagaki.com. Our sincere wishes on this glorious and hot day (at least where you guys are) to the only set of identical twins that we know that are fans of the site. It is on behalf of myself and the entire cast of bagaki.com that we wish you a happy birthday. I hope that keg is floating by now, and that you enjoyed several frothy beverages on our behalf.

• Do you Know Michael’s Nose?
  a good ol’ website quiz - test your nose skills, who’s beak is whos?
• Snack or Scat?
  here is a good one too. eat or secrete?

Laughing Boy
Freak-o-la
The Female Neck
Pissed, Happy, Scary
Inappropriate Bulge
Mr Bagaki’s New Girlfriend #1
Mr Bagaki’s New Girlfriend #2
Mr Bagaki’s New Girlfriend #3

We want your feedback as to which of the three girlfriends is best fitting for Mr Bagaki. I know which one I like.

I would like to know who the hell buys those first few boy ones. I see no logical use for them. If I was a kid in a store and saw one of those things wearing the latest fashions, I would be traumatized. Ick. You could put a damn cantaloupe in the mouth of the second one, what the hell is that about?

I don’t know what is going on here, but this is just ridiculous. Now I don’t know what you think of Pat Robertson, but I cannot believe this. He supposedly puts up 2000lbs on a leg press. Here is Pat Robertson’s leg press video, 1000lbs - 10 times.

ClayNation: Pat Robertson’s magical protein shake

There is no way on earth Robertson leg presses 2,000 pounds. That would mean a 76-year-old man broke the all-time Florida State University leg press record by 665 pounds over Dan Kendra. 665 pounds. Further, when he set the record, they had to modify the leg press machine to fit 1,335 pounds of weight. Plus, Kendra’s capillaries in his eyes burst. Burst. Where in the world did Robertson even find a machine that could hold 2,000 pounds at one time? And how does he still have vision?

God works in mysterious ways I guess. If you want to know more about Pat Robertson (think 700 club), here is a nice video clip of him expressing his views. And for those of you who want this miracle shake, you can grap the recipe.

It should be noted that you will need to register or something to get the secret ingredients, this may or may not require your credit card, first three children, blood from a virgin, and some incense.

I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese
I really think so

BIG NEWS COMING NEXT WEEK

After commenting on the advertising efforts of Philips Norelco for their new male body shaving tool, I though what better than to give it a shot and let you know if its really up to snuff. After some persuasion, I was able to convince Mr Bagaki that a product evaluation was what this website needed. God knows there are not enough websites that review products. So yesterday I was authorized to use my bagaki.com issued American Express card to purchase the Phillips Norelco Bodygroom personal groomer. After the recommended 8 hours of initial charging I put it to work - shaving all my “body zones”.

I will gripe quickly about Norelco’s inability to use a conventional power adapter for ALL of their products. I currently own a Norelco electric razor, beard trimmer, and now the bodygroom. All three of them use a different power adapter. Now if I travel, I have to lug around all THREE adapters, which is burdensome. Wake up Norelco, cut your costs by using the same plug for all of your products; you would save millions and make life easier for your customers. One more thing, it would be really nice if I could use these devices while they were plugged in. I get up, grab the trimmer, go to work on the beard, and half-way through it dies. Now either I wait the 20 minutes for the “quick-charge” or venture into the world looking like a retarded drunk.

Now let’s get un-hairy

The unit had a unique design that requires you to use it almost like a straight razor. After about 10 minutes of frustration I figured this out. Even in the instructions it tells you that you will need practice to use this device. There are three depth guards, but I couldn’t figure out how to shave with them on the device. I gave up on them before I really understood how the shaver worked, so maybe next time they will be more useful. It seemed that the #3 guard would leave hair so long that there would be no point in shaving at all.

I use the #3 guard, now I’m an evenly trimmed gorilla.

The first thing I noticed with the device is that you can touch the blades with your fingers and you don’t feel a thing. This fits, as the ad claims no nicks or cuts. Well let me tell you this is bullshit when trimming the “body zones”. This sucker bites, and I don’t mean just a nibble. My shrieks could be heard three doors down. Damn, you still have to be careful I guess. Soft flesh and electronic knives never go together, no matter what a company tells you.

It does take off the hair, although Norelco recommends that if your hair is longer than .40 inches, you trim it down first. So after the first painful shaving session, I know little about the product. It cuts the hair, and guess that is what it is suppose to do. After I master the use of this device, I will be able to truly share its usefulness. So long Conair trimmer, its bodygroom’s time to take care of business, shorn business.

I ran across this surfing the web last night. You have to check it out. Imagine a picture that is infinitely zoomable. What does that mean? Well imagine a photo that is a mosaic of other photos that continue indefinitely as other mosaics of made up of other photos that are mosaics. Check it out, you will not be disappointed.

Zoomable Mosaic

During a recent adventure into my grandmother’s basement, I discovered this wonderful artifact from a time long ago. It is a chug-a-jug of old-school root beer. This thing must be 30+ years old, maybe even 50+. Who knows what that liquid in the bottle is at this point, having sat for so long. I do apologize for the crudeness of the photo, I was just too lazy to get my good camera, I just snapped this with my cellphone. Anyway, I am holding a bet for anyone who dares drink this substance. I will pay you $20.00 to take a swig. It should be stated that bagaki.com and bagaki enterprises are not liable if you get sick or die. It is unknown what is in this container, and you are 100% responsible should you decide to drink from it.