Today is without a doubt the best day of my life. not because We Be Jowlin’ won last night, not because I woke up hung over and felt like shit, and not even because I won the lottery. Today is the best day of my life because I was lucky enough to hear the famed vocals of the great David Hasselhoff on the musak at work, singing a Christmas song nonetheless. I mean, he is no Michael McDonald, but he must be somewhere in the top 10,000 male singers of all time. This guy has it all; a talking car, a luscious carpet on his chest, and a German following greater than Hitler.
Now, if it was socially acceptable to hunt humans, I would go for Hasselhoff. Not because I hate the man or his music, I have nothing against him. I would just skin him and use his chest hair for a rug, you know, like those bear rugs you see with the head on them. Just picture that, a David Hasselhoff rug as you enter my trophy/stuffed animal room. There would be full size elephants, tigers, wild beasts, and goats. We could sit down, light up a fancy cigar using a $100, sip on some top shelf scotch, and admire the warmth and beauty that David’s chest hair brings to all. Too bad not everyone feels this way.
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